7 Ways to Blag Liking Football

OK, you’ve been invited to watch a game of football, but you don’t know anything about the game and you don’t want to sound like a rank amateur. No problem. Follow these tips and blag being a superfan.

Which teams are playing?

This valuable little bit of information tells you what colour face paint to buy, and if you’re feeling really inspired, which team flag to wear as a cape around your shoulders. Run two stripes of the face paint along your cheeks and you’re set.

Basic rules of the game

There are two teams on opposite sides of the field. Their goal is to kick the ball into the square net behind their opposition.

Each team has one player (who usually wears a different colour shirt) whose job it is to stop the ball going into goal. This player can use their hands to stop it, but the other players are not allowed to use their hands unless they are throwing the ball back onto the field. If the goal keeper for your team stops the ball it’s OK to shout “great save”.

Know the main players’ names

In every football team there are eleven players, but usually only two or three of them are important. A quick search will tell you the name of the striker, goalie and someone else in the team. Study their photo, and every time they have the ball you can yell out their name and pump your fist in their air. Seriously, you’ll look like a lifelong fan if you do this.

Understand strategic play

In football, players often pretend to be tackled and throw themselves on the ground in agonising pain. This is part of the game to get penalties awarded to them, and when you see it happen don’t be shy. Call the other team cheats, get angry. They attacked your player.

Memorise a few football terms

Football is a simple game, despite the complexity of the rules. Your team will “pass the ball” amongst themselves, run “along the sideline”, protect the goal with “headers”, and “score goals”. All of these things can be cheered. The enemy will “tackle” your team, “obstruct” players, and try to get them “offside”. You can boo when they do this.

Copy the other fans

To look like a real fan, practice copying other fans with split second timing. They’ll be drinking beer so they won’t notice the time lag; they’ll just know that when they cheered, you cheered. You’ll be right onside with them through the entire game.

Win or lose, show emotion

Until you get home, remember you’re a fan of your team and win or lose you’re personally affected by the score. Be emotional. It’s expected. When your team wins, they’re the best team in the world. If your team loses, the referee was obviously blind and biased.